sometimes its crazy to think how time flies...regardless of the whole having fun thing
how you can know every inch of someone's body and mind and see them with someone else
it completely blows my mind how fast things can come together, fall apart, and start over
how passionate you can feel about someone one moment...how it lingers and seems to fade over time and then suddenly resurfaces without warning despite wrongs done and the passage of time
but then again, thats what you get for looking through old photo albums and journal entries hahahaha : P the emotions of humankind are so odd...so fickle
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Live Journal
I'll be using live journal more often. This is the link : http://shortypudge.livejournal.com/
Sunday, May 18, 2008
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” -Neil Gaiman
...finding the right people to trust is difficult...i'm lucky to have found someone genuine <3
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
"Jane says
I've never been in love
I don't know what it is
Only knows if someone wants her
I want them if they want me
I only know they want me"
i've been in lust, obsession
i've felt real concern for someone's well being
i've been comfortable but not attached
but i've never been in love
i can't make it work...
so maybe you were right
when you said there was something different
that some people just dont have the ability to love
and that maybe i was one of them
and that after trying for so long
you just couldnt get through
its not that i didnt care
its just that i didnt love
i dont believe in it
I've never been in love
I don't know what it is
Only knows if someone wants her
I want them if they want me
I only know they want me"
i've been in lust, obsession
i've felt real concern for someone's well being
i've been comfortable but not attached
but i've never been in love
i can't make it work...
so maybe you were right
when you said there was something different
that some people just dont have the ability to love
and that maybe i was one of them
and that after trying for so long
you just couldnt get through
its not that i didnt care
its just that i didnt love
i dont believe in it
Thursday, May 8, 2008
this is mostly a response to matts dream journaling...thought it might be interesting to try...i have nightmares often and this one felt like something out of a movie...dont think there is anything to decipher...just a weird dream that made me thankful i dont wake up to an empty bed. :)
My family and I were on vacation in Mexico for New Years and are getting ready to drive back across the border. There is the usual long stretch of stopped cars and suddenly we hear on the radio that there is an emergency situation occurring just south of us. I look back through the rear window to see dark figures flying down on the farthest row of the cars. I hear people starting to scream and get out of their cars only to be picked up by these creatures who seem to be part dragon, part vampire, and part human. Those who got out to run have their bodies torn apart and tossed back down on the cars behind us. I start to panic and pull down all the shades on our car. Its enough to cover almost all the windows except the front. We leave a small portion open so that we can continue to drive. Through the small open square and the other cracks between the shades, I see helicopters arriving and attempting to shoot down the creatures. Although some are killed or wounded, most are simply annoyed and use their long tails to knock the helicopters out of the sky. A small moving crowd forms from the dead bodies...their eyes have turned black and they are stumbling toward our car. At this point, most of the other people who are in the other cars around us are frantically trying to navigate around the fallen aircraft and abandoned or smashed vehicles. My dad gets us to the side of the road and drives along the emergency lane as quickly as he can. There is a detour up ahead and we are directed to take it. Nathan complains that he is hungry and needs to use the bathroom so we stop at a lone country store miles from everything going on. The shop owner is nowhere to be found so Nathan and my Dad go inside and grab food and notice that there is a sign reading "Leave as much as you take...". So my Mom decides we need to repay the owner and gets the idea to walk a little down the road to where we saw a grove of fruit trees. We are out of money for some reason so the only way we can pay him is by digging up a fruit tree and taking it back to the store. We jog most of the way there and then stop to catch our breath under the shady stand that serves as the entrance. My mom sees a shovel and walks out to grab it when I spot on of the creatures wearing a black cowboy hat slouched against the stand. His arms are crossed and he is smiling at us as she starts to dig, not noticing him at all. His lizard tongue sticks out and I can see his fangs. I'm still not certain what exactly he is as far as monsters go. He is pale with fangs like a vampire and built like a human turned reptile from the waist down. He knows that I see him and she does not. I start to run towards her as she is pulling the young tree out by its last root. I scream and then she sees him stretching and getting ready to spread his wings. She drops the shovel and we both start running as fast as we can back to the store down the street. The creature could have caught us by now but he seems to be taking his time. He glides smoothly after us at a steady pace, eventually creating a large shadow over us. We reach the store just in time as he swoops down to snatch one of us. We scramble into the building only to find my Dad and brother missing.
My family and I were on vacation in Mexico for New Years and are getting ready to drive back across the border. There is the usual long stretch of stopped cars and suddenly we hear on the radio that there is an emergency situation occurring just south of us. I look back through the rear window to see dark figures flying down on the farthest row of the cars. I hear people starting to scream and get out of their cars only to be picked up by these creatures who seem to be part dragon, part vampire, and part human. Those who got out to run have their bodies torn apart and tossed back down on the cars behind us. I start to panic and pull down all the shades on our car. Its enough to cover almost all the windows except the front. We leave a small portion open so that we can continue to drive. Through the small open square and the other cracks between the shades, I see helicopters arriving and attempting to shoot down the creatures. Although some are killed or wounded, most are simply annoyed and use their long tails to knock the helicopters out of the sky. A small moving crowd forms from the dead bodies...their eyes have turned black and they are stumbling toward our car. At this point, most of the other people who are in the other cars around us are frantically trying to navigate around the fallen aircraft and abandoned or smashed vehicles. My dad gets us to the side of the road and drives along the emergency lane as quickly as he can. There is a detour up ahead and we are directed to take it. Nathan complains that he is hungry and needs to use the bathroom so we stop at a lone country store miles from everything going on. The shop owner is nowhere to be found so Nathan and my Dad go inside and grab food and notice that there is a sign reading "Leave as much as you take...". So my Mom decides we need to repay the owner and gets the idea to walk a little down the road to where we saw a grove of fruit trees. We are out of money for some reason so the only way we can pay him is by digging up a fruit tree and taking it back to the store. We jog most of the way there and then stop to catch our breath under the shady stand that serves as the entrance. My mom sees a shovel and walks out to grab it when I spot on of the creatures wearing a black cowboy hat slouched against the stand. His arms are crossed and he is smiling at us as she starts to dig, not noticing him at all. His lizard tongue sticks out and I can see his fangs. I'm still not certain what exactly he is as far as monsters go. He is pale with fangs like a vampire and built like a human turned reptile from the waist down. He knows that I see him and she does not. I start to run towards her as she is pulling the young tree out by its last root. I scream and then she sees him stretching and getting ready to spread his wings. She drops the shovel and we both start running as fast as we can back to the store down the street. The creature could have caught us by now but he seems to be taking his time. He glides smoothly after us at a steady pace, eventually creating a large shadow over us. We reach the store just in time as he swoops down to snatch one of us. We scramble into the building only to find my Dad and brother missing.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
"You're so happy now
Burning a candle at both ends
Your self-loving soothes
And softens the blows you've invented
Breathe in deep and cleanse away our sins
And we'll pray that there's no God
To punish us and make a fuss
Crack's healing up
Future soul forgive this mess
You waste twenty years
And wind up alone, demented..."
its almost time
for me to be alone
for me to be demented and unaccomplished
but thats not how it worked out
i'm happy, moving on
getting my feet on solid ground
so fuck you and your predictions
and your ominous bullshitting
and the way you made me feel like i was nothing
next month you shouldn't wish
a happy 20th birthday to me
because i don't need your blessing
for it to be the best i've had yet
Burning a candle at both ends
Your self-loving soothes
And softens the blows you've invented
Breathe in deep and cleanse away our sins
And we'll pray that there's no God
To punish us and make a fuss
Crack's healing up
Future soul forgive this mess
You waste twenty years
And wind up alone, demented..."
its almost time
for me to be alone
for me to be demented and unaccomplished
but thats not how it worked out
i'm happy, moving on
getting my feet on solid ground
so fuck you and your predictions
and your ominous bullshitting
and the way you made me feel like i was nothing
next month you shouldn't wish
a happy 20th birthday to me
because i don't need your blessing
for it to be the best i've had yet
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